converse on some of the deepest topics. The only thing is she goes to school in another REGION!! Plus, we don't have the same cell phone service provider, so my daytime minutes are being used up faster than they roll over. We are physically states apart, yet our hearts and minds are so close. I am definitely invested in this relationship, but I want to know will this cross-regional love work? Can NSBE love successfully span over regions and states? Please help me.
Virginia Replies:
Dear Distant Regional Lover:
Carl Jung once said: "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
'Love at first sight' is an expression that communicates a noticeable exchange of energy that a person experiences when he or she 'bonds' with another individual. That exchange continues until a balance is reached. Reaching that balance can be affected by intrinsic or extrinsic forces.
In your case, the extrinsic force of NO MONEY can stop the love reaction quicker than what would otherwise occur if distance was not an issue. However if the reaction between the two of you is stronger than financial loss, it will survive.
NSBE LOVE is deep, and technology gives us many ways to overcome distance. Real love, however, is more than a feeling and it requires a strong friendship base for true stability. Focus on your friendship and build a foundation that will allow you to know yourself and your friend better. Enjoy what you are feeling now and allow your experience to change you and teach you more about your capacity to love and be loved in return. Be honest and open about what investment you are willing to make in moving forward.
Subject: (Time-Maximizer)
C.W. in Region 5 writes:
Dear Virginia,
I just started a job with a large public firm in my city. I enjoy the work I do, but there are times when adjusting to this new environment is difficult because I compare it to the environments of the smaller, private firms I've worked for in the past. As you know, engineers are not known for their outgoing personalities. I am a prime example of being of the office recluse. I like to go in and get right to work. But at my new job, people like to chat, eat donuts, drink coffee, and they tend not to get back to their desks to begin working until much later in the morning. I don't want to seem anti-social, but this is not my style at all! How can I be social enough to fit the culture, but no lose myself in water-cooler banter?
Virginia Replies:
Dear Time-Maximizer,
In a new assignment, it is advantageous to fit into the environment that you work in, especially in a large public firm. The people around you will be instrumental in providing feedback and support necessary to get the job done. It is important to know who's who as you develop your winning strategy for professional success. Getting to know people does not require that you hang out with them every day.
Find strategic 'mixing' events that you are comfortable with and use those events to help people get to know you better. It's OK for you to create an 'event' for socialization and invite your co-workers. Make sure they know that you consider yourself a part of the 'team' even though you don't do donuts and coffee. Perceptions are stronger than truth in many work environments. If people see you as anti-social, that may hinder necessary feedback from coming your way. A person’s perception of you often goes unchallenged and group consensus is hard to change.
There is nothing wrong with being focused on your work, but most technical work assignments require collaboration and group consensus for success. By all means, get the job done and exceed the expectation of your 'customer'. Engineers are expert problem solvers, but they must be able to communicate the solution for it to benefit anyone. Use this opportunity to develop your communication skills so that people will value you for what you do and for who you are!
